In 2007 there were even less services in Gander for families struggling with youth mental health and addictions issues than there are now. As parents of a 16 year old whose behaviour was “going off the rails”, we had no where to turn. We were observing radical changes in Christopher’s personality and he already disclosed cocaine and prescription drug use. The education system had already turned their back on us and offered no supportive services or referrals/recommendations where to go after they kicked us to the curb. The medical system said he was 16 so there was nothing they could do unless he was willing to seek services voluntarily.
We had exhausted every option and support system available and had no where left to turn when we called the RCMP to our house for the first time on Sept. 27, 2007. I don’t remember the date because it stuck with me, I had to look it up. I remember the date because I know it was the Thursday before the Monday that the Mental Health Arrest came in to effect in our province. Christopher’s behaviour that night was dangerous and out of control; he had destroyed his bedroom, holes in the wall, glass light fixtures smashed, solid wood bunk bed frame broken, his door was off the hinges etc etc. and he was threatening suicide. We couldn’t reach him, emotionally and physically he was out of our control. One of the RCMP officers who showed up at our house that night ended up sitting with Jason and I and listening to us vent about the frustration we were feeling as parents while his partner talked to Chris upstairs in the demolished bedroom. We were surprised they were not in shock or completely appalled by Chris’ behaviour; at this point in time, we felt we were the only parents in the world who ever experienced this and were naive enough to think if we called the RCMP they would somehow get Chris to the help he needed.
It was the RCMP officers who shared knowledge about cocaine addiction and subsequent behaviours that night who first helped us feel we were not alone in our struggles. Jason always says, they were like our social workers. They told us about a few cases similar to ours and the results that followed; one of them shared about his relative who was struggling with drug addiction; they explained the justice system, how an arrest would work at this point and what the effects could be; and in turn they helped us feel better about our own situation. They told us there were some changes coming to the Mental Health Act on the following Monday that would at least allow them to do a mental health arrest and force him to be assessed by a psychiatrist if we felt he was going to do harm to himself or others, as we did that night. They told us all they could do that evening was arrest him for destruction of property or vandalism but advised against that, explaining it would not get him the help he needed and would most likely result in more rebellion. They explained the complexities involved with Christopher’s mental health diagnosis coupled with cocaine use at this young age and helped us understand no matter how difficult it was the best place for Chris right now was in a loving supportive home. They said not to hesitate to call again if he gets out of control, gave us the names of a few local professionals who might be able to help and said maybe if we called next week we could test the new mental health arrest and see how it works.
Jason and I knew it would happen again as we were experiencing these aggressive outbursts frequently prior to the night we first called the RCMP. Those RCMP officers opened our eyes and gave us more insight in to youth addiction and the effects on family than anyone else did in the past. None of the teachers, social workers, guidance counsellors, psychologists and doctors we dealt with up to that point seemed to explain or understand in the same way the RCMP did. They are the ones going in to homes of families dealing with addictions at the breaking points. That night was the start of a long-term relationship with the RCMP, one that I am glad to say ended amicably a few years ago. There wasn’t much of a custody battle, we have Chris but they still ask about him and show support when we see them and fortunately there’s been no visitation what so ever for years. They did take custody for a few extended periods and throughout some very difficult times. They had him while I was in St. John’s getting radiation treatment for my cancer; they had him for two of his birthdays and for my 40th birthday; they had him for Christmas Eve morning one year but we got him back that evening, they went above and beyond to make sure of that; they had him for two whole summers and they had him during many family events we wished he could have been at. Of course, it wasn’t the RCMP who actually had him during all these times but it was the justice system and the RCMP were the first faces we got to know personally in the justice system. This blog is to show our appreciation for their compassion, fair treatment, understanding and professionalism.
An RCMP officer accompanied Jason one night to an abandoned building where we believed Chris went to commit suicide based on what he said in a note, when they couldn’t get hold of the owner of the building or figure out how the teenagers had been gaining access to the building, this RCMP officer did not hesitate to help Jason break the door in; an off duty RCMP officer came to a call when Chris overdosed one night and his landlord called an ambulance, this off duty officer was even understanding when I yelled sarcastically “good job a lot of you showed up quickly tonight now that you think he might be dead, just like the times we really needed you”, the off duty officer even apologized to me explaining he only showed up because he was concerned and wanted to be there for support; an RCMP officer looked me in the eye at the ER one night when we did do a mental health arrest that didn’t lead to hospitalization and said, “Joanne, I know this is hard and you don’t agree but our only other option is Whitbourne and that’s not a good place for him, Christopher is an addict, not a criminal”; an RCMP officer allowed Chris to go home first before bringing him to lock up after he crashed his girlfriend’s car across the street from her parent’s house so he could let her know what happened first; an RCMP officer allowed me to arrange birthday cake through the company that did their catering while Chris was in lock up on his birthday; several RCMP officers allowed me to talk to, hug and visit with Chris during accompanied medical appointments while he was in lock up; an RCMP officer teared up as I cried the night of Chris’ most serious arrest and he tried to console me by saying at least in the federal system he will get better services for his addiction, although Chris never ended up in the federal system after; an RCMP officer called to warn me I was about to be arrested based on Christopher reporting I was withholding his Ritalin from him; …. I could go on listing the compassionate things they did that helped our family get through these terrible times but I think that’s enough to get the picture and I know some examples I have may get officers in trouble. I certainly hope their organization is understanding enough to accept “operating in the grey area” and slight bending of some rules, especially in a small community with few other services.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve seen the RCMP do some scary things to our son where we felt like jumping in between them out of natural parental instinct, we’ve also had angry words with them in the heat of the moment but what I am saying is they have always been fair and just, and they absolutely without a doubt helped more than hindered our experience with youth addictions. In our ten year relationship with them we only had two officers we thought were unfair or unjust to us. One of them left the RCMP and went back to a provincial detachment in the province he came from, apparently, according to his wife at the time, now ex wife, because he wasn’t well suited to the RCMP and enjoyed his old job much better; the other… I believe was only unfair because she didn’t really understand addiction and how long an addict’s behaviour can be affected even after detox and withdrawal.
Unfortunately, a lot of addicts break the law…. it is because they can’t see past their next high and will do whatever it takes to get it. Bottom line though, they are breaking the law, stealing from and violating others due to this tragic illness. Christopher has over 30 offences, not one of them mention drugs…. but all of them have to do with his drug addiction; a lot of theft related…. a means to an end to feed his addiction. That’s all it was to him, it wasn’t about hurting anybody. I know addicts who never break the law as a means to their end but in most cases, they’re doing other, very hurtful things, to family, friends and themselves. One young female addict told me that if you look like her and know whose who you never have to pay “money” for drugs. When people say to me, yes he or she is an addict but at least they’ve never been arrested or in trouble with the law, I’m always weary because the damage that is done from trading sex for drugs or staying in an abusive relationship because your partner provides your drugs is just as damaging to an individual, at times, even more damaging. I’m thankful for the RCMP’s involvement and how they handled things. A criminal record may be a detriment to Christopher for a while yet but time alone should take care of that if he stays the course. I don’t think any parent would mind hearing their son or daughter was arrested for theft to feed their drug habit if the alternative was hearing they were giving oral sex to drug dealers behind the school in exchange for drugs….. stories I will save for a separate blog.
To end…. a story from my youth and an encounter with the RCMP…. the day after high school graduation a large group of us went on a camping trip, these days, I am an avid camper but back then it just meant getting away from our parents’ eyes to drink and hang out with our peers all night. Very few of us actually cooked meals on these camping trips, but one friend, who was what we called a “fitness nut” back then, didn’t drink and unlike the rest of us, he couldn’t go 48 hours on only fire roasted wieners and junk food. This friend was at the BBQ cooking a skinless boneless chicken breast when an RCMP car pulled in to our camp site, headlights shining right on him, assuming it was “one of da byes” he started shouting for them to turn off the headlights cause they were too bright and he couldn’t see his skinless boneless chicken breast. Some of us were on the side of the campsite and told him who it was, I think he thought we were joking cause he started on one of his hilarious rants, to this day he is one of the funniest people I know, he was like our very own stand up comedian… his rant was all about “Canada’s finest RCMP” and how Canada’s finest wouldn’t be preventing a nice young man like himself from cooking a healthy supper, how Canada’s finest wouldn’t be there in our campsite without the red and blue lights on, how Canada’s finest wouldn’t be sat in the car letting us have time to hide out beer, how Canada’s finest would get out to face him, whoever was in that car knew how pissed off they were making him cause his skinless boneless chicken breast was so important to him, it’s someone who is trying to get him “all ralled up” cause he can’t see if his skinless boneless chicken breast is cooking right…. yes bye he said Canada’s finest RCMP just sitting there watching me in the spotlight cook my skinless boneless chicken breast…. I guess because most of us continued to laugh, he continued to go on and on about “Canada’s finest” even after he realized who it was. The RCMP officer was very respectful, knew grad weekend partying was on the go at the park and just wanted to stop by and make sure everyone was ok, warned us about the underage drinking, gave some tips about staying safe out here, put one friend who was a little too inebriated in the back seat and started to walk toward his car when he overheard the laughter at the rant about Canada’s finest … a few words about what respect meant back and forth between him and the comedian and of course, all of us still laughing…. lead to our comedian being thrown in the back of the RCMP car as well, probably the only one there who wasn’t underage drinking that night. He may have been wrong about the RCMP officers’ sense of humour but he wasn’t wrong about one thing…. they are “Canada’s finest”.
Over Half Way 