“Fine Skeets of Gander”

My son relapsed 5 days ago after 18 months. Not a big surprise, I spent almost half an hour with his addictions counselor last week discussing our fear and expectation of same.  It’s amazing how predictable behavior patterns are to notice after ten years of addiction. He then spent four days sleeping, harboring his guilt and shame. I couldn’t get him to get out of bed let alone do anything. Today I bargained to give him back some of his privileges around the house in trade for just showering. Yes, that’s what it has come to. I also discussed the lack of grooming when people are depressed with a psychiatrist last week… he finally agreed and proceeded to take a bath instead of a shower, the first one since his catheter went in 18 months ago; we recently did some research about swimming with it in as he wanted to go to the water park with his little cousins while we were in Ottawa, a trip we tagged on to his medical appointment in Montreal about his reconstruction surgery due to complications from previous drug use … which I am assuming may be a challenge to explain to medical transportation officials but that’s a whole other story. He asked me to bring a drink in to him in the bath. He seemed a little “off” when I brought it in. I asked if he was alright and assumed, he was anxious about the first bath he’s taken in 18 months and immersing the suprapubic catheter in water for the first time. My gut was telling me something was not right with him…. there was something in his eyes.

The privilege he got back for bathing was access to the internet again…. for an hour before he was to move on to the next task he agreed to do…. clean his room. Groom and room… that was the deal for today. After his bath he came downstairs where I was working and asked for the house phone because he was calling a cab to meet a friend, he gave a friend’s name, one who has reached out and helped him in the past who also suffers from mental health challenges. I thought it was a little odd as he hasn’t left the house in months on his own like this, he started to go upstairs and I hollered, “Chris I don’t think this is a good idea, you just had that relapse and I really don’t want you to go.” He said it’s alright mom I’m going to have a chat with “insert friend’s name”.  I thought some more then I ran up the stairs and tried to convince him to stay home….. too late, he was gone.

I proceeded with my project I was working on and hoped he was really reaching out to a peer for help and maybe his addictions counselor and I got through to him last week…. hoped it was a turn for the better. After all, I blogged about the benefits of peer support last week and I thought, wow, just having a bath has helped him so much. I began to get worried after I had not heard from him for a couple of hours, as that rarely happens since his release from hospital over a year ago. I messaged the friend he said he was meeting and figured Chris would then call from his friend’s phone because he does not own a cell phone himself. I then got ready for dragon boating, one of my escapes I still enjoy and part of my self care plan. I ran to the car to make sure I had everything in my bag I leave in the car for dragon boating and realized I left the front door open, the dog got loose, I called out for the dog, my next door neighbour said “she’s back here”, I secured the dog, had a chat with my neighbour, shared this weeks struggles with her about the relapse, she shared a mutual friend’s mental health struggles with me and I told her I was a little worried about him being gone with this friend etc. We ended our conversation with the familiar “What can you do” followed by a shoulder shrug. I missed dragon boating Tuesday as I was still dealing with the aftermath of Sunday’s relapse, I told my neighbour I am going tonight as I needed it after this week and whatever he’s doing, he’s doing, I have no control. I checked my phone, neither the friend nor Chris responded. A little worried I stopped by the location Chris said he was meeting his friend; they were not there.

I sat in the car, checked my phone again (what did parents do before cells?) and noticed his messenger said he was connected. I figured ok he’s home, shoot, I forgot to log him out of the internet as he was only supposed to have an hour online before cleaning his room. I typed “W r u?”…. no usual quick response…. but seconds after that message a call came from “private caller” or actually it was “no caller id”. I think to myself, this is Chris calling from someone’s phone…..  the voice on the other end said, “Joanne this is Constable Edmunds at the RCMP Detachment, we’ve arrested Christopher and he will be seen in court tomorrow, he wants to know if you can bring him his meds for tonight”. You may remember a few blogs ago, I said I had a long-term relationship with the RCMP in Gander that ended over two years go…. well, today it seems we may be getting back together. They couldn’t tell me what he was arrested for but we had a compassionate, caring chat and I accepted what was happening. I drove to my parent’s house, my refuge in times like this, still thinking I may go dragon boating because what could I do this evening, sit home and sulk about this? There’s a group of breast cancer survivours and supporters who need me at dragon boating because it is hard to fill that big boat; at times, we have to cancel because we don’t have enough paddlers to take the boat out; add to that the nights we have to cancel due to weather, and the good nights become very valuable to us in paddling season.  

I tell mom and dad the news, have a cry and a scream or two then go to call one of my best friend’s who is also refuge for me in times like this…. before the thought to call her progressed to dialing her number, her name pops up on the screen, I say to mom and dad, she’s heard. Sure enough, the rumour mill in Gander, as I also blogged about before, is alive and well when something bad happens, the rumour is he’s arrested for armed robbery at a place right next to my workplace I am on leave from. BOOM There it is, the most serious charge ever for Chris since his troubles started…. and he racked up quite a few since the addiction got serious. I guess I thought things would start slow again, if they ever started at all, not jump right to his first federal offence after over two years with nothing! How did that one relapse drive him right back to this, broad daylight, crowded familiar area where everyone knows him, in a bright colored tie died hoodie with “apparently” a knife, again, I am going on rumours as it is 4am here now and I still don’t officially know what he was arrested for. I did ask when I dropped off his meds if they could confirm it was armed robbery but of course they said they could not confirm. It will be public knowledge tomorrow but why tell the caregiver anything tonight…. what is that protocol for? What effects does that have on a caregiver’s mental health?

I spend the evening with my friend who knows exactly what to say and do with me in crisis, it was actually during a crisis early in our friendship when my mother had a brain aneurysm bleed over a decade ago that I realized we would get as close as we are today. We call my husband who is away working in Labrador and pass the phone back and forth debating who would be best to tell him, we’re a little like Meredith, Christina and Derek that way, we communicate better in a trio. We then ensure other friends and family members are told by one of us before they hear from the rumour mill. My parents, my parents-in-law and my friend want me to spend the night with them. I convince them all I’m ok and against their wishes I am sitting here alone doing what I now know I need to do to help make things better…. go public for real, not beat around the bush anymore.

I’ve respected my role as a Recovery Council member to advise the Minister of Health about mental health and addictions from lived experience in an official, quiet manner. I have done due diligence to this role and feel my advocacy and point of view have been heard. However, I question after more than a year, how valuable council members’ insights are when they are not heard by the masses. I have said to friends and family on several occasions, if Chris’ complication 18 months ago was the amputation of his arm, I would have been on open line long ago. Since Chris has posted publicly and is discussing doing a documentary about his experience, I will now officially go public with what the trauma is I keep referring to. After ten days of excruciating pain for Chris and hell for our family, (my husband said it was like living with a siren going off in your house for ten days), Christopher had to have an emergency penectomy/penis amputation due to necrotizing fasciitis which lead to 7 months in hospital dealing with the trauma and depression that followed. This very rare and unique situation for NL medical professionals brought with it a whole host of other complications, both legitimate ones and bureaucratic ones. He has been receiving, what I really do believe, is the best care he can from the system for addictions and trauma in central NL. However, the best available is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Despite recent advancements and improvements to the system and Chris’ intense treatment from professionals for the past year and a half he still ended up relapsing to the point where he had no regard or respect for society today because his craving for whatever he got a taste of last Sunday took over. If the rumours are true which I am not really doubting, then he traumatized some poor retail workers and possibly bystanders and never thought twice about anyone’s consequences, including his own. That’s how powerful addiction is. In his room tonight, I found a ball or wool, crochet needles and a pattern for a coin purse he said he was going to do for me. No doubt, his attempt to keep his mind busy and off his cravings some time this week. From crocheting a coin purse for his mom to armed robbery in less than 5 days, even after the best care he could get being provided for 18 months.

A lot of people say the problem is with the system. I agree maybe part of the problem is, after all, we are nowhere near Portugal yet; but the bigger problem is with attitudes of people working within the system. I know the Towards Recovery Action Plan quite well, I know the reality of the front lines too. I will clarify before anyone gets defensive, not all front line staff are part of the problem, definitely less than half, maybe even just 25% but I wouldn’t go any lower than that.

Tonight, after I convinced my friend it was ok to leave me alone, I sat down quietly reviewing everything that transpired this week, especially today. My frustration, sadness, anger and rage about how all this happened to Christopher and how others had even worse outcomes, like death due to addictions even though medical professionals were treating them brought me to the local Chief of ER’s Facebook page. He is one of my triggers, as I have witnessed negative attitude toward addiction from him on several occasions. I have often thought about him or looked at a picture of him to deal with my anger and try to subdue it, remember the good things I know he has done and his contribution to theatre arts in our community, a passion of mine. I convince myself he is only human, I shouldn’t be judgmental, maybe he has his own mental health problems, maybe I only dealt with him on bad days, everyone has those. That didn’t work tonight as I found this post from over a year ago while scrolling his Facebook. Obviously, I am not his friend since it was his ER we visited regularly over the ten days leading up to Christopher’s amputation, so since he posted it publicly, my understanding is that I can share it publicly. I will apologize ahead of time to this doctor and those who support him for calling him out, there are many others I can do the same for. I am assuming he is still Chief as I have not checked recently. The attitude presented in this post is not acceptable for a person in his position of authority over other medical staff in an ER which treats addicts on a regular basis when they are in crisis; especially at a time when the leaders in healthcare in this province are working tremendously hard to improve services for mental health and addictions.

My initial reaction was to comment on his post and say, “I had no idea you lived so close to us, I often wondered where you live. I notice this post is from over a year ago, I find it hard to believe it is still there, certainly after your initial anger, processing time and reflection on being a victim of crime you would realize it is inappropriate to reveal this attitude publicly while in your position and remove it. Anyway, just thought I would let you know I can say for sure it wasn’t my fine skeet who did this crime back then because in June of 2018 he was still hospitalized in Grand Falls-Windsor for those complications you didn’t take too seriously, actually the day of your post marked exactly half a year of our stay in Grand Falls-Windsor. However, I do know prior to his hospitalization, he did frequent the den you refer to from time to time and had it been prior to Jan. 2017 I could not confirm it wasn’t him and it more than likely could have been. He also definitely got a similar message from you that you gave den guests at the end of your post when you treated him. Unfortunately, 18 months since those horrific ten days visiting the ER you were Chief of at the time, he now finds himself in much deeper trouble than the fine skeets rummaging through cars on your street, I certainly wish right now, that’s all his addiction lead to. May you find comfort knowing, after his hearing today, chances are, you’ll have one less “fine skeet” to worry about in your ER or neighbourhood. Amen”